Mom is at work
Friends are out
I woke late
Ran the dog
Made a tea
Curled up in the cozy chair
Alone for the sake of the silence.
For the sake of the peace.
For the sake of the prayers that are so much easier to hear in this silent house.
I spent much of last night curled up on my roof with a prayer journal. Alone time is something I never have. The last seventeen hours have done my heart incredibly well. Silent thoughts are somehow so much more powerful than those that come out as words.
My faith is constantly tested. Someone looked at me yesterday with hurtful intention and spoke words that broke my sensitive heart.
"Why are you a christian? When you pray to god, bad stuff still happens. It's all a lie. I'd rather believe in the truth of nothing at all than in the lie of a big man in the sky who watches us fall and doesn't pick us up again."
Seriously so broken by this comment.
I had nothing to say. My words were in the pit of my stomach. I wanted to cry.
I went home and started sifting through emails yesterday. An anonymous email was waiting for me.
"God's not real. You're wasting your time. You're way to pretty to be dumb enough to believe in the stuff they tell you in bible school. Stop with the long skirts and the Jesus obsessed blog."
This is a clean version of the email. I have NEVER gotten an email like this. I am so incredibly blessed with an incredible support system. This shocked me.
That was the third time in a single day that I encountered a person my age who did not have a stronghold with the lord. Three times in twelve hours and I began to feel like being one with the lord made me the odd one out. It's not necessarily the coolest thing in the world to write a christian internet blog and go to church on Sunday. Especially not at sixteen, but it is who I am.
& my god what I would give for other teenagers to realize that they are only as good as who they choose to be, not as who they choose to make fun of.
I am so incredibly blessed to be surrounded with a solid group of girls who don't necessarily walk a path with Jesus- but who respect my own. I am blessed to belong to a church community who helps steady my faith. I am blessed to have no fear in speaking my religious beliefs. I am blessed also- to respect all other religious practices. I am blessed to run this little corner of the internet that allows me to talk about Jesus in a really cool way. I am blessed to have many options for my future. I am blessed with never-ending fullness, forgiveness, and willingness. I am blessed with a guardian angel in heaven who I used to call daddy. I am blessed with a beautiful family, home, and life. I am blessed to encounter one email like this in seven months of faith blogging.
But what about those teenagers who don't have everything I have?
What about those who are made fun of on a regular basis?
What about those who are terrified to believe in god- because no one around them does?
What about name calling?
What about disrespect to the faithful?
What about those discriminated against for believing in Jesus?
What about those who want to know Jesus but can't find him?
My heart hurts for those people.
I find myself with this constant question-
"Where does all the hate and disrespect come from?"
& I find myself in an understanding. An understanding of how a teenager who doesn't know god could be skeptical of him. Look at what we as teenagers face everyday. The pressure, the crowds, the age differences, the exposure, the media, the pop culture, the stresses, the struggle. These feelings don't feel like their is some "big man in the sky" watching over us. At least not to many teenagers.
At sixteen there are a million things to see and do.
There is no thought of death because we feel as though we will live forever.
We cannot see the end, because we have not even seen the beginning.
There is no need for the lord. The world is good. Our hearts are naive. The talk is cheap.
& Sunday's are for sleeping in.
Not to me though.
Maybe to some.
But not to me.
I rely on the strength of the lord.
As for your own path....I wish you the best of luck. As for your own religious preferences, I pray that they help you find what you are looking for. As for your own story- I pray that you write it loud and proud. As for your own memories, I hope that they are incredible.
I hope this life gives you everything you've ever dreamed of.
& I pray that maybe- you could do the same for me.
“Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven" Luke 6:37